


Becoming Human

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Come on people, EVERY EPISODE, Fluff, M/M, at least one person dies, but honestly why are you in the Supernatural fandom if you cant handle death, but just like a teensy bit of angst nothing really at all just Cas and Dean being stupidheads, someone dies so don't read if you cant handle that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-09
Updated: 2013-01-09
Packaged: 2017-11-24 07:57:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/632183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas has given up his grace to live out a mortal life with Dean, but things don’t always go as expected. (or the one where Dean and Cas adopt a little girl from less than ordinary circumstances)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Becoming Human

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, just found this. I wrote it, like, months ago about Salt On A White Picket Fence, an art ask blog (link below), and it's old and it's rough but I thought I'd post it anyway.

"You ready?" Dean asked, opening the Impala door.

  
"I'll never be truly ready to fight as a human." Castiel said with a sigh, then opened the passenger side door and stepped out, shotgun in hand.  
  
"Yeah." Dean said , opening the trunk. "I know." He looked at his fallen angel and sighed.  
  
Things had been tense. Castiel had given up his wings, mojo, grace, whatever, and was getting much worse lately. Recently, he would wake up screaming, terrified by nightmares he didn't even like to talk about, and seemed to be getting weaker by the day, no matter how much he ate. Both men were struggling, and they had no idea how to make things better.  
  
Castiel turned to look at Dean, a pained expression on his face. Dean almost felt sick remembering how he had found Cas, his Cas, kneeling in the middle of the bathroom floor and sobbing, looking up to the heavens, his beautiful blue eyes so full of pain. Dean had hardly touched him since then, only slight kisses and soft brushes of skin. He even fought the urge to hold him close at night, terrified of hurting him, of being hurt himself, because one day Cas might in the back of his mind, Dean was sure one day Cas would realize Dean wasn't worth what he had lost, wasn't near good enough for him. And while he loved his angel with all his heart, he was sure that one day Cas would realize what a broken excuse for a man he was and leave him. Everyone always did.  
  
Castiel's heart dropped as he tried to put on a brave face for Dean and the man's gaze immediately dropped, with something that looked like disgust on his face. Castiel turned the other way, trying to ignore the sinking feeling in his chest. It was obvious Dean no longer felt the same way he had before Castiel had lost his grace. He used to be powerful, talented, and useful. Now he was fighting with a shotgun and planting tomatoes. Dean had loved him once, but now that he was weak and damaged, it was obvious his human was rethinking his decisions. The thought nearly broke Castiel's heart, which had such a capacity for feeling, especially when it came to Dean. He didn't even like to think about what would happen to him if Dean left. He thought he was empty now- without Dean Winchester to love him, to make him feel extraordinary, he would be a shell, he wouldn't even know how to continue living.  
  
"So, Cas, what're we dealing with here?"  
  
Castiel pushed back all his doubts and focused on the job at hand. "The demon Adramelech. From what I can remember, he is a fallen angel who was vanquished by Raphael, but apparently is back with a vengeance, inflicting chaos through his followers. He now holds a place among the archdemons, a formidable group. However, he cannot possibly escape hell, Raphael's punishment was so severe. There are a select few who still worship in his name, and they have been causing the disappearances. If we can stop whoever has been summoning his essence from Hell, we can stop those as well."  
  
"Right then. Kick down an altar, smash some offerings, sounds simple enough. And you're sure it's this Adramalector?"  
  
"Adramelech. And yes. I may no longer be divine," Castiel felt a funny tickle in his throat, and almost had trouble continuing. "But I'm not completely inept."  
  
"Right. Yeah. Listen, Cas, while we're on the subject, maybe you should sit this one out."  
  
"Dean we already-"  
  
"I know. Believe me, I remember." The shouting match had been an epic one. Sam had to work and couldn't come with Dean on this hunt, and he knew that Cas didn't want Dean to run into danger alone, but if the angel thought for even a second that Dean was going to let him risk his life while he was so weak, he was sorely mistaken. Finally Cas had cocked a shotgun and held it to Dean's temple, saying that if Dean tried to force him to stay home, he would pull the trigger and go anyway. "But Cas, if it's just a simple spell stopping, there's really no need for you to come with."  
  
"Yes, precisely. If it's that mundane, there's no danger to me, even in my weakened state."  
  
"But-" Dean sputtered, grasping for another excuse to have his angel sit this one out, "But what if there is a real danger? Like, some witch full of black mojo and flying knives?"  
  
"Then you'll need the extra protection. You can't win  this fight, Dean." Castiel turned and marched to the large house. Whether Dean still loved him or not, Castiel would protect him until his final breath left his lips.  
  
\--  
  
Things were not going as anticipated. Upon entering the house, Dean and Castiel were immediately separated by a closed door as an invisible force dragged Dean into the basement and Castiel was left pounding against the walls, trying to reach him. Then he came face to face with a very large, very angry man with formidable muscles and a wooden bat, which was not a pleasant thing to have one's head come into contact with.  
  
When Castiel woke up, he was very hot. At first, he wrote it off as another sleepless night that resulted in his body drenched in sweat. Then he remembered where he was and practically lept up in the direction of the door where Dean was still pounding and hoarsely screaming his name. There was no way he was going to knock down this door, it was about a foot of solid iron. So he concentrated, and he prayed for his father to give him what he needed.  
  
Suddenly, he was relieved to find himself standing next to Dean in the basement. Less relieved because the basement seemed to be on fire, but still. He wrapped his arms as tight as he could around his hunter, and once again concentrated. With the greatest effort he had ever mustered, he transported Dean and himself out into the living room. He praised his father with the most endearing Enochian prayer he could think of, grateful for whatever grace he was allowed to harness to save the man he loved.  
  
"Cas," Dean wheezed, "There's a woman down there-"  
  
"Dean I don't think I can-"  
  
"No, she's already dead. Someone slit her throat." He gulped. When he attempted to find an alternative exit, he had bumped into her, hanging by her ankles from the rafters. There had been so much blood.  
  
"I think I know who. Dean, we need to find that altar. If we can destroy Adramelech's icon, we may be able to stop the chaos he is causing. Without the icon, he won't receive sacrifice. And without regular sacrifices, he won't be strong enough to influence humans."  
  
"But the fire-"  
  
Castiel shook his head. "Fire won't destroy it Dean. Adramelech is a demon of the flames, fire will only make it more powerful."  
  
So the two of them scrounged the house, finally finding a table laid with some of the darkest things Castiel had ever seen used in a spell, and a small bronze statue which Dean pocketed. They turned to find that the basement flames had slowly risen above the basement into a room about fifteen feet from where they stood.  
  
"Let's get the hell out of here." Dean cried over the sound of the house slowly crumbling.  
  
It was then that they both heard a petrified, high pitched scream coming from upstairs. Castiel stopped, frozen in his tracks. "Oh- I forgot. How could I-" He had never looked so lost, and he ran to the stairs only to find them near engulfed in flames.  
  
"Cas, there's nothing we can do." Dean put a hand on his shoulder.  
  
Castiel just looked down. "I know. Run!" He shouted, and Dean didn't need to be told twice. The two of them ran towards the front door, and just as Dean ran coughing out into the porch, he heard the door slam shut and lock behind him. "CAS!" He shouted, moving to kick down the door.  
  
"It won't work Dean, they're all strong iron. I'm sorry, I have to help."  
  
"Cas! God dammit Cas, don't do this. CAS!!!" Dean emptied his handgun at the door of the house, but to no avail. Who the hell builds a house with unnecessarily thick iron doors? He checked the windows, but they all lead to burning rooms that would no doubt kill him as soon as he tried to enter.  
  
Dean sprinted towards where the Impala was parked, maybe if he had his ax he could break through the walls. He wrenched open the trunk and searched frantically for the ax, before devastatingly realising he had lost it in the chest of a Crocotta before the damn thing had fallen off of a cliff about three weeks back. _Cas is always nagging me to replace that damn thing_ , he thought with a barely choked back sob. He settled for his shotgun (he'd shoot the goddamn wall down if he had to) and ran back to the house when the door suddenly flew open and Cas emerged, his face black.   
  
"CAS!" Dean shouted, running towards his former angel. "Don't you ever, ever pull that shit again, you hear me? What the hell were you thinking-" He stopped suddenly, seeing what Cas was carrying in his arms. A girl. A little dark brown haired girl, couldn't be more than two, maybe three years old. "Oh my god."  
  
Castiel wheezed as Dean took him and the little girl, whoever she was, into his arms. Then his legs gave out a bit and Dean had to catch him and lower him to the ground. "God, Cas, please tell me you're okay."

Castiel's normally gruff voice came out breathless and even more hoarse, if that was possible. "I had forgotten."  
  
"Yeah, you mentioned that. But are you okay?"  
  
"Adramelech's worshippers. They burnt children as offerings." He looked down at the crying little girl in his arms, her tiny fists curled up in his shirt. He placed a soft hand on her head, what was left of his divinity calming her slightly. Then she looked into his eyes and shrieked.  
  
"MAMA!" The little girl cried, reaching towards the house, though still safe in Castiel's arms. "Mama?" She turned to Dean, who with a shudder recognised the girl's eyes. They were the exact same shape and size of the woman he had found dead in the basement. He turned to Cas, who seemed to wordlessly understand.  
  
Castiel pulled the small girl in close to his chest, whispering an Enochian prayer of comfort and love into her ear, while at the same time calming her with his grace. It seemed to work and she quieted, her tiny fists uncurling and her bright green eyes slowly closing in exhaustion.  
  
"I couldn't leave her Dean." Castiel said, looking up at his hunter. "I just couldn't." He looked back down at the little girl, and softly stroked her hair.  
  
"I know." Castiel was completely focused on the child in his arms, so he didn't see Dean's eyes, which were almost brimming with tears. He had almost lost Cas, so he should be furious, but there was something so beautiful and serene about the image of Cas holding a child that he couldn't conjure a single angry thought. "Give her here."  
  
"What, no." Castiel pulled the child closer to him. "Dean, I don't think that's wise..."  
  
"Cas, you're weak, you're in pain, and you just came out of a burning building. You don't need to carry a kid too. Give her to me." Dean gave him his very best arguing-will-end-in-death face.  
  
Castiel sighed. "Just... be careful." And he slowly passed the child to Dean.  
  
Cas may not have liked to admit it, but Dean saw a little flicker of relief in his expression. The kid wasn't all that heavy, but she was still extra weight. As he took the little girl in his arms, she sleepily wriggled and buried her head into his chest. He was hit with the sudden realisation that the little girl had lost her mom the same way Dean had; she had just been an innocent woman trying to protect her child from evil, and as a reward was killed and consumed by flames. Dean held the little girl close, feeling her tiny breaths against his chest, wanting so desperately to change time so she wouldn't have to suffer the same loss he had. "She's so tiny..." Dean whispered as Cas put an exhausted arm on his shoulder. "Get the keys, Cas. We're taking her home."  
  
\--  
  
When the wingless angel and his hunter returned home that night, they found Sam had just arrived in as well. He looked up at them from the couch where he sat. "Cas, what the hell happened?" Sam said, jumping up to inspect Cas' bruised, blackened face, slightly scorched hair, and burnt leather jacket.  
  
"Demon of the flames. I'm fine." Castiel reassured the taller man. "Very capable of holding something that weighs maybe forty pounds, no matter what your brother might think." He walked passed Sam into the living room.  
  
"Forty-" Sam stopped as Dean staggered through the doorway into the light. He was not in nearly as rough a state as Cas, but he was carrying a small child, so Sam couldn't help but be shocked speechless.  
  
"Hey Sammy." Dean nodded, readjusting the sleeping girl in his arms.  
  
"Dean. You- you've got a kid." Sam stuttered. "Who gave you a kid?!"  
  
"Trust me, I did not want to." Castiel groaned from where he was splayed out on the couch.   
  
"Cas decided to be a hero and rescue her from the burning house."  
  
"The house was on fire?!"  
  
"Yep. And apparently the demon likes kids extra crispy, so that's where she comes in." Sam's face flickered away from panic for the slightest moment to give Dean a wow-that's-tremendously-inappropriate face, but then immediately morphed back into shock. "Her mom's dead. I think her father might have summoned the thing."  
  
Sam gulped and nodded, understanding. If there was one thing that affected Dean, it was mothers dying in fires.  
  
"So...what are you going to do with her? You're not going to.... you know...?" He made a little motion with his hands and Den rolled his eyes.  
  
"Keep her? Come on Sam. Like this is in any way a stable environment to raise a kid. No. We're going to find someone to take her, but until then, she stays here."  
  
\--  
  
The week that followed was one of the most hectic, tiring, and confusing weeks in Dean's short and dangerous lifetime. Bobby had to be the one to get food and supplies for the thing, because Dean, Sam and Cas were all completely lost as to what she needed. Her second day in the house Dean had forgotten to keep an eye on her while watching a particularly riveting episode of Dr. Sexy, MD, and she somehow managed to get into their 'special room' (filled with weapons and holy oil and homemade bombs). Castiel shouted at him for about an hour after that, which set her off crying. Things had been more tense than ever between the two of them as they both used the girl as an excuse to avoid dealing with their problems, or more importantly, to avoid talking to eachother. She cried every night, screamed for her mother and woke up everyone in the house. Castiel explained to Dean that he had been trying to use his angelic gifts, or what remained of them, to slowly lessen the pain of the memory, to suppress it, if you will, so she remembered it less, and eventually not at all, but even with that and her insistence that she sleep in Castiel's arms, she woke every night in terror, and could not be calmed for hours.  
  
The sixth night, Castiel was exhausted. He had gotten about fifteen hours of sleep the past few nights, and was weaker than ever as he adjusted to humanity. He groaned loudly as the girl in his arms sobbed and whimpered.  
  
"Cas," Dean started as he turned over to pick the girl up in his arms. "It's okay, get some sleep, I'll take care of her."  
  
It was a sign of Castiel's exhaustion that he didn't argue, just rolled over and fell back to sleep. Dean held the girl in his arms tentatively, trying to rock her comfortingly. "Shh, quiet. It's going to be okay. You've got the most badass protectors in the world. Hunters and a former angel are watching over you sweetheart, nothing's going to hurt you."  
  
She looked up at him, hiccuping and still crying. She didn't say anything, but she hardly ever did since they had pulled her out of the flames.   
  
"You are going to be such a pretty little girl, you know that?" Dean pinched her cheek as he moved to sit on the edge of the bed he shared with Cas.   
  
"Mm-hmm." She hummed, and her smile shone through her tear-stained cheeks.  
  
Dean smiled back at her. "Don't you worry, we are going to find you a loving family and you're going to be happy with a nice new mommy and daddy."  
  
"Daddy?" She reached a small hand up to poke his cheek.  
  
Dean shook his head rapidly and her eyes filled with confusion. "Nononono I'm not- no, you're going to have another daddy, one who can love you and take care of you. Keep you safe."  
  
The little girl snuggled into his arms. "Love you."  
  
"That's right, kid." He smiled down at her. "While we're...talking, I guess, you got a name?"  
  
She just smiled up at him and giggled. Dean took that as an 'I don't know.' "Well, we can't just keep calling you 'kid' and 'the human child' now can we?"  
  
She shook her head as if she understood perfectly, and Dean didn't know, maybe she did. "So... how bout..." He grinned. "Ozzie? Nice name."  
  
She frowned and Dean had to agree. It wasn't something you wanted to call a baby girl. "Well there's always Metallica, or Zeppelin-" He started jokingly.  
  
She giggled and smiled.   
  
"Zeppelin? Really?" She giggled more. "All right then, Zep, how bout you do me a favor and go to sleep."  
  
She grinned and poked his cheek again.  
  
"Yeah, I didn't really think that would work." Just then, the water heater in the basement of their house groaned to life with a rumbling noise. Zeppelin immediately started sobbing again, clutching at Dean, her eyes wide with fear.  
  
"Shh, no Zep, it's okay, just- dammit, argh-" Dean rocked her slowly and patted her hair. "C'mon, it's okay..." She continued to wail in terror of the groaning noise. Well maybe if he just...  
  
Dean swallowed. This was the death of his masculinity, that was for damn sure. He opened his mouth and started to sing lowly. "Hey Jude, Don't make it bad..." He slowly ran a finger through her hair. "Take a sad song, and make it better..."  
  
As he sang, Zeppelin's tears slowed and her sobs quieted as she looked up at him slowly. Soon she had stopped crying all together, and just as Dean got to "So let it out and let it in" he looked down to see that her brilliant green eyes were shut, and she gave the most adorable little snore he had ever heard. Dean held her tight against his chest and slowly lowered them both down into the mattress, were he lay staring up at the ceiling, not fully aware of how his hand was stroking her hair comfortingly.  
  
\--  
  
The next day, Sam called him from work saying that Cas was having some sort of panic attack because he had gone to put the laundry out to dry and he swore he had closed the door behind him but he couldn't find the kid anywhere and it was sort of an emergency. Dean didn't even think about it, he told his boss at the garage that he had to leave and broke the speed limit racing the Impala to the house.  
  
"CAS!" He shouted, and the man came running out the door.  
  
"Dean, I'm sorry, she was here and I just left for a minute but when I came back-"  
  
Dean just nodded and ran into the house. "ZEP!" He shouted, checking under the couch and in the closets. "Zep, sweetheart!"  
  
Dean froze suddenly, hearing giggling coming from under his bed, where he saw a mess of dark brown hair hidden under a sheet. He reached his arms down and pulled the laughing girl into a tight embrace.   
  
"Hi daddy!" She giggled, pulling his hair.  
  
"Zep, I've told you I'm not-" Dean sighed. "Don't hide from Cas. He worries, and then I worry, and just don't do it okay?"  
  
"Sowwy Daddy." She said with a half frown, giving him a tiny hug.  
  
"Daddy?" Castiel shook his head. "I don't understand-"  
  
"Papa!" She giggled, and reached out for him with tiny fists.   
  
"No, Zep, honey that's not-"  
  
"Zep?" Castiel frowned, and Zep responded with a tiny smile and more giggling.  
  
Dean coughed and looked down. "It's uh- short for Zeppelin."  
  
"The flying machine?"  
  
"Not really..." Dean kept his eyes on Zep's tiny face in his arms, refusing to look up at Cas.  
  
"You....named her?" Dean coughed again, still refusing to meet his eye. "Dean, you can't- why would you name her after a band?"  
  
"I didn't mean to!" Dean cried, still looking guilty. "I was joking, and she... well, she liked it."  
  
"I was thinking Samantha, or Gabriella, or something sacred like Mary, Joan or Theresa. But no, you name her after an english rock band."  
  
"Okay, again, unintentional! Cut me some slack."  
  
When Sam returned home that day, he laughed for about an hour at Dean's accidental christening. Castiel did not find it nearly as amusing.  
  
\--  
  
The day after that, since he had the day off from work, Sam had agreed to take her to a friend of Bobby's to see if she knew anyone who would want a daughter. The house seemed strangely empty, and as Dean sat down on the couch after coming home from work, he tried to ignore the thought that Zeppelin kind of...belonged with them. Castiel sat down next to him, looking a bit stronger that day.  
  
"Dean."  
  
Dean turned to look at him, and was suddenly caught in a furious kiss. Cas' tongue flicked against his lips and then parted them, intertwining with Deans. Cas pulled his tongue out before biting and sucking deliciously on Dean' bottom lip. Oh god, had he missed this. Cas' mouth against his, his strong hands on his hips, everything fitting together perfectly. Dean let his mind become wrapped in the amazingness of the moment for a few seconds, then grudgingly put a hand on Cas' chest and pushed him away.  
  
"Cas, I can't."  
  
Castiel looked down. "I - I'm sorry. I thought I could maybe try one last time, but I- I should've realized."  
  
Dean shook his head. "Try? Try what, Cas?"  
  
"You know, us. I realize now that I shouldn't have assumed you would still feel the same. And I'm sorry if my human form is disappointing, I just don't know how to change." Castiel stared down at his feet, looking ashamed of himself.  
  
"Disappointing? Cas-"  
  
"No, it's okay. I mean, I understand. I won't try to force myself on you again."  
  
Dean's entire being recoiled in protest. "No, oh god Cas, that's not-" He couldn't seem to find the right words, so he put a hand under Cas' chin and turned his head. He pressed a kiss to the former angel's lips, trying to convey wordlessly how much he loved him, how much it would hurt to lose him. Slowly Cas relaxed and began to kiss him back, wrapping his arm around Dean's waist. After a minute, they pulled apart and Dean rested his forehead on Cas'. "I have been trying so hard to keep myself from touching you. You've looked so weak, been so exhausted... I was terrified of hurting you."  
  
"Dean..." Castiel sighed.  
  
"I was also so scared that...that you would regret choosing me. I know I'm not worth giving up angelness for, and-"  
  
Castiel moved his head away from Dean's and looked him straight in the eye, wanting to be absolutely clear. "Dean. If I were given the choice a thousand times, every single time I would choose you."  
  
"But I-" Castiel put a finger to Dean's lips.  
  
"Dean, do you still love me?"  
  
"Yes." Inside Dean screamed _always yes, until the end of time yes, more than anyone I've ever been with, more than breathing._  
  
"And I love you more dearly than I thought possible." Castiel smiled at him. "So let's not discuss this. Sam won't be home for hours yet, and we haven't made proper use of our bed in weeks. And before you even think of protesting, I know I'm weak, but that's in comparison to how strong I was as an angel of the lord. I'm sure I can handle a bit of- well." He gave Dean a cocky smirk and bit his bottom lip. "I suppose we'll leave that aspect for you to decide on."

  
Dean grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him roughly into a wild kiss. It would be some time before they finally made it to the bedroom.  
  
\--  
  
Later that evening, as they both lie panting in the afterglow, Castiel turned to look at Dean, a searching look on his face as his hunter beamed down at him.  
  
"Dean, we don't have to do it, you know."  
  
"Do what?"  
  
"Give her away. Zeppelin." He said with a slight smile. "I was just thinking that, well, as fathers go, she could do a lot worse."  
  
"Cas." Dean sat up. "Cas, you can't be serious. Raise a kid? Here? In our lives? Which still include beatings, fires, exorcisms, and a crapload of terrifying shit? Are you insane?"  
  
"I heard you singing to her. Last night. And you were so worried when we couldn't find her..."  
  
Dean shook his head. "Cas. I like the kid, okay? I tend to like children, it's just how I am. But Zep deserves a normal life, normal parents. Not a hunter who has seen some serious shit, not to mention been to hell, and a fallen angel, who's seen a lot more."  
  
"Dean, just think about it, please?"  
  
"No. Just no, Cas. I'm not having her turn out like me. Learning to shoot before learning to read. Living on constant high-alert."  
  
"Dean, you gave up hunting!"  
  
"You never really give up hunting. Just... drop it, okay Cas? We aren't keeping her. That's that."  
  
\--  
  
Three and a half weeks later, Bobby called. He told Sam that a friend of a friend had a sister who couldn't get pregnant, but who had always wanted a baby girl. She and her husband would drive down that weekend to meet Zep. If they liked her, they'd take her back to Idaho with them.  
  
After Sam relayed the news, he sat down with his head in his hands. Of course they'd like Zep, everyone did. But the thought of having to let go of this adorable girl, a girl who had brought Dean and Cas closer than ever and whose very presence lit up their home, was horrible. But it wasn't his call, and Dean was sure as hell not budging from his belief that she would be better off somewhere else. So Sam tried to come to terms with saying goodbye. Zeppelin didn't understand why he looked so sad as she pulled at her Uncle Sammy's hair to try and convince him to play with her. He looked down at her shining eyes and eager face. "Sure, Zep, let's go take a ride, huh? Give these guys some space." Sam picked her up into his arms and wordlessly nodded at Dean and Castiel, who sat, not speaking, on the couch. They both looked shell shocked, and Castiel's head whipped up as Sam opened the door. Sam tried to smile. "We'll be back in a couple hours, okay? I'll.... take her for some ice cream or something."  
  
Zeppelin smiled and shouted "Yay! Ice cweam, ice cweam!" in her adorable way that tore a tiny bit of Sam's heart out of his chest. In the metaphorical, non-demony way. Just so we're clear.  
  
Sam smiled sadly at Castiel and carried the smiling girl out the door, closing it softly behind him.  
  
Castiel turned to look at Dean, who was staring at the coffee table like he was trying to blow it up with his mind.   
  
"Dean-" Cas put a hand on his shoulder only to have it immediately shaken off.  
  
"I can't Cas." Dean stood up and looked at him apologetically. "I.... I just can't"  
  
Dean walked out of the living room and found himself walking to the house's third room, which used to be a 'refuge room' for hunter friends who needed some sleep and couldn't find a hotel vacancy. Now the huge bed was covered in stuffed animals Cas had ecstatically brought home and Sam's old baby blanket (Dean would go to his grave insisting he hadn't known it was in Impala's trunk). The floor was papered with crayon drawings, mostly one eyed monsters and one adorable black and yellow rectangle which Zep had cheerily called the "Immala" (and once "daddy's baby" which was too endearing to think about at the moment)

Dean sat down on the bed, looking into a closet with tiny girl's clothes stacked on the floor. When Sam had arrived at the house with an ancient dusty box of teeny dresses, Dean was a little concerned until Sam revealed that they were their mom's, and came from Samuel's old storage space that Sam had driven nine hours to break into. Seeing the little girl run around Cas' vegetable garden in muddy frog galoshes and his mom's vintage baby clothes with Cas and Sam pretending to be monsters and chasing her as she laughed hysterically was one of Dean's favourite memories of their house. He sighed and looked around the room. He tried to imagine it empty again, without the toys and the crayons and the juice stains. He imagined the house as it used to be, no giggling or children's cartoons, just him, Cas and Sam. It caused him almost physical pain just to consider it, then he wondered when exactly Zep had become a seemingly irreplaceable part of their lives.  
  
Over the past few weeks, Zep's nightmares had been few and far between, but every night before she went to bed, she asked to hear a song. Sometimes Dean sang her classic rock, sometimes Cas sang church hymns and ancient Enochian melodies. "Hey Jude" was still her favourite, but Dean saved that for her restless nights. Dean and Cas had adapted to having a child sleep with them, and every night they reached their arms around her and pulled each other close, snuggling her between them. When she woke up before them, she would jump on the bed until Dean sleepily grabbed her and tickled her, Cas smiling as he woke to high pitched giggles.  
  
Dean thought about how fatherhood had come naturally to him and Cas, how they traded shifts with her, always knowing how to make her happy, always knowing what she needed. He felt like they'd always been waiting for Zep to come along, and she seemed like a true Winchester, even though they'd been watching her for little over a month. And the image of Cas with Zeppelin in his arms, whispering stories of how earth was created out of stardust and love, just like she was, well it was just about the most beautiful thing Dean had ever seen. Occasionally it brought back memories of Lisa and Ben, but he had come to terms with that. He had realized long ago that any life with them was impossible, and knew deep down that he had never truly belonged with them. But recently he had started to think that maybe, just maybe, he could have a family with Cas. Him, Cas, Zep and Sammy. It was strangely perfect, and Dean had begun to hope that it could be a reality. And then someone had taken that hope and shot it in the face.

  
When Dean finally emerged from Zep's room about twenty minutes later, Cas was still sitting on the couch, his head in his hands. He looked up slowly when Dean entered the living room and his expression was so helpless and defeated it made Dean want to hold him as tightly as he could.  
  
"Dean." Castiel stood up, looking the hunter straight in the eye.  
  
"No, Cas. Listen to me. I will have no arguments, no pleas, no bargaining. You are going to accept what I say as gospel and follow my decision blindly."  
  
Anger flashed through Castiel's eyes as he opened his mouth to protest, but Dean spoke first.  
  
"No one, no spirit, monster, demon, angel or even god himself is ever taking Zep away from us. You got that?" Dean poked the former angel hard in the chest. "She is ours, and no one else's. And I don't care if I have to kill every goddamn demon in hell and on earth, she will be safe, cared for, and loved."  
  
Castiel stared up at Dean, a blank expression on his face. Then he grabbed the hunter by his shirt and pulled him roughly forward, kissing him with so much passion and love Dean was a little concerned he might melt into a puddle on the floor (in a very manly fashion, of course). When Castiel pulled back breathlessly, Dean smiled at him.  
  
"So I'm guessing you're okay with this?"  
  
Castiel just smiled and pulled him in for another kiss. They slowly migrated to the couch as Dean pulled Cas' shirt off and trailed lingering kisses up his chest, thinking about how if one month with his Cas and his Zep could feel this right, how amazing the rest of their lives were going to be.  
  
\--  
  
When Sam got home, Dean and Castiel stood in the middle of the living room with twin morose expressions.  
  
"Hey, Zep sweetheart, why don't you go play in your room for a bit." Sam said, letting go of the little girl's handand watching as she ran into her bedroom, still smiling and a bit covered in ice cream. "So."  
  
Dean exhaled roughly. "So."  
  
Sam raised his eyebrows, willing one of them to speak.  
  
"So we've decided that I love Cas and he loves me and Zep is our daughter and no morons from Idaho are ever going to take her away. Also we're going to see about getting married." Dean watched Sam's face for a reaction, but his brother's face remained unreadable.  
  
Sam's eyes flickered back and forth between his brother and his angel. "Finally!" He cried, throwing his hands up. "You know, I was wondering just how damn long it would take you to realize you need Zep in your life, and that you especially need each other. I mean, come on." He shook his head. "You both have taken way too many blows to the head. But I'm glad you've come to your senses."  
  
Dean turned slowly to look at Cas, who he had almost by being an idiot. He thought about his brother who had finally found peace, and his new daughter who was brimming with spirit and love. And he was happy. So very, very happy. "Well then, Sammy, why don't you go get your niece and we can have some of what's left of Cas' pie and watch cartoons."  
  
Castiel turned to look at Dean. "If you attempt to show our daughter a single episode of that creepy Candyland acid trip so help me-"  
  
"Oh come on! She loves Adventure Time!" Dean laughed.  
  
"You do realize that someone sold their soul to a crossroads demon to get that show the fan base it has amassed, don't you?"  
  
Sam smiled knowingly as the two bickered and went into Zep's room. "Hey gorgeous."  
  
"Hi Uncle Sammy," Zeppelin smiled up at him.   
  
"You know Zep, you are just about the luckiest girl in the whole wide world."  
  
She gave him her most adorable smile as he scooped her and her favourite stuffed animal up in his arms. "Yup."

\--  
  
A year later, after they had celebrated Zep's 'birthday' with crates of (probably illegal) fireworks and all their friends came round to see the little girl, Bobby stuck around afterwards for a few drinks around a little bonfire with his boys while Cas roasted marshmallows for his daughter.  
  
"I can't believe it's been a whole year." Sam said, shaking his head and watching Zep poke Cas with her marshmallow stick and laugh hysterically at his expression.  
  
"Yeah," Dean said, lifting his beer in Cas' direction. "It seems like just last week I was watching your dumb ass run out of a house on fire."  
  
Castiel looked up at him and tilted his head. "Yes Dean, because you regret my decision so much."  
  
Dean shook his head. "Best one you ever made." He smiled down at Zep, cake in her hair and fingers sticky with marshmallow goo.  
  
Castiel shrugged. "I'd say it's tied for first." He said with a loving smile.  
  
Sam shook his head at their dopey love yes and goofy grins. "Dean, I can't believe you were ever considering..." He looked down at Zep. No need for her to know that. "Well, you know."  
  
Dean took a swig from his bottle. "Nearly the worst mistake of my life, let me tell you. And that includes that night in Oklahoma." He shuddered.  
  
Sam turned to Bobby. "Hey, I never asked, did that couple in Idaho ever find a kid?"  
  
Bobby cocked his head to the side, confusion clear on his face. "Oh!" He chuckled, smiling at the brothers and Cas. "Hell boys, there weren't ever a couple from Idaho. Who the hell do I even know in Idaho?"  
  
Dean looked back and forth from Sam and Cas' confused expressions. They hadn't known about this either. "Bobby, why did you-"  
  
"You think I was going to let you throw away the best damn thing to ever happen to the three of you? All you needed was a push in the right direction." He said, raising his bottle to his lips. "Idjits."  
  
Dean smirked at Cas, who smiled and moved to sit next to him, placing his head on Dean's shoulder, resting comfortably on his leather jacket. Sam in turn grabbed Zep's hand and led her to where he sat, and she plopped herself gleefully in his lap with her warm marshmallow on a stick. She smiled happily as her Dad lifted her Papa's head and kissed him softly.  
  
"Idjits." Zeppelin said, giggling, before her Uncle Sam stole her marshmallow with a grin.  
  
  
  


 

\--

Based on Pickle's Salt on a [White Picket Fence](http://askdomesticdestiel.tumblr.com/) (which you need to go check out because it's adorable)


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